I stumbled across Darcy Lockman’s new release “All The Rage” by chance browsing the Times, and after peeking at the Look Inside, I was hooked. I started the book this weekend and Lockman’s promise for what this book would deconstruct 🛠 has already been fulfilled.
Most educated and/or observant people are more or less aware of the fact that neither first, second or third wave feminism has managed to end gender inequality. We have “made strides”, if you want to be trite about it, but we still have a long way to go. Lockman’s book explains why despite all our chit-chat about gender equality and the mythos of the “sensitive, feminist, millennial man” (ha-ha), women still face massive inequality within their own homes that worsens when they have children.
I suppose the #BuzzfeedFeminists are content as long as anal sex and getting choked remain front and center of the contemporary feminist movement.
For those of us who strive for more than submitting to men and enduring pain on their behalf might want to listen up. If your beliefs, conditioning and preconceived notions play a greater role in your household’s division of labor, perhaps reading theory isn’t the way out of this quagmire of unconscious sexist repression we get sucked into.
How can we find a way out? Early on in Lockman’s book, I noticed one piece of data that was only a sentence or two in length but critically important. Gay couples tend not to have the same issues of resentment and frustration over division of labor in their households even when there isn’t an “equal” distribution.
The “why” behind that is what’s fascinating…
Lockman and social scientists theorize that this is because there is no “mainstream” gendered expectations for gay couples, division of labor is actively discussed, negotiated and agreed upon. While we may feel as if men should intuit things and while we may face the unfair expectations of a “women’s intuition”, most of us aren’t entirely powerless to negotiate our stance on labor in a relationship.
Saddle up, ladies! Our more equitable social status outside the home comes with an additional responsibility to advocate for our own needs and practice assertiveness with our partners. Of course, it takes two to tango…
Do you think that your parents shared household labor and childcare growing up? Did your parent or parents who raised you and their attitude towards childcare influence you in any way? Let’s chat in the comments below. 👇🏼