Thursday: Thoughts On “All The Rage” by Darcy Lockman

  • This book definitely makes it on my required reading list for anyone considering becoming a parent or co-parenting with a man.

  • Great complementary book to Delusions of Gender by Cordelia Fine, which explores neurosexism and patriarchal bias in science examining gender differences

  • The funny/humorous tone in this book in the trend of Jessica Valenti’s writing style makes it really easy to dive in and relate plus the analysis of Facebook groups and other contemporary forms of community women create makes many of her points even more salient in our social media saturated world.

  • This book comes with many other recommended reads on gender and division of labor that I’ll hopefully be able to review.

  • The clear & negative impact of inequality is interesting especially when you think of it in terms of the covert contracts that appear to be implicit in most heterosexual relationships. The scary part is that more equal labor distribution before kids can totally vanish once a woman decides to have kids. Sinister to think about.

  • At around 50% of the way through the book, I thrust it straight into my required reading list before having kids. Eye opening and the book will probably spark many projects.

I know this blog post is short but I’ve been writing a lot for work this week and trying to keep my head above water there. Do you have any summer reading? Drop your latest read in the comments below. 👇🏽

Thursday: ❌ Thoughts On Boundaries 💭

Like most of my Thursday posts, this one will have a less formal structure even if I’m talking about a BIG topic which women everywhere can stand to improve on — yes even me. Saddle up divas and hustlers, we’re going to learn why our boundaries suck and how we can fix this so that we can:

  • Get what we want

  • Feel less guilty

  • Gain confidence in sticking up for ourselves

OK, let’s get started. 💖

  • I talked about this in my assertiveness blog post but boundaries aren’t a zero sum game. You can have great boundaries with friends but let your partner get away with murder. How do you identify your weak spots?

  • Recognize that there are six different boundary types: spiritual, mental, emotional, physical, material & sexual. You may have stronger boundaries in one area than in another…

  • Boundaries are often conflated with being “mean” or “bitchy”. If you think “no” is a bad word, you may have trouble setting boundaries and if you don’t change that, making progress on your boundaries will be difficult.

  • One thing that will guarantee you suffer from poor boundaries is not knowing what you want. As a woman, you want to be crystal clear on what you want so that anything that doesn’t match up with the way you deserve to be treated gets eliminated from your life. This includes how you treat yourself. Poor boundaries can mean treating yourself poorly too.

If you want to save my boundaries cheat sheet, use my 📌 graphic and pin to your favorite board on psychology, motivation and self-help.

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Tuesday: Top 5 Trends That Will Be Embarrassing In Five Years

Remember low-rose pants? Apple bottom jeans? The courage of Uggs and the infuriatingly damp and stinky knock offs that ensued? Crackle nail polish? If you do remember, I bet you’re desperate to forget or at least cringing internally at all the clothes you wore that you wouldn’t be caught dead wearing today. That’s the problem with trendy style vs classic style… trends come and they go and they keep you chasing after an ideal intended to remain unattainable.

Here are my predictions for the top 5 trends we are going to loathe in a few years that are dangerously popular right now…

1) Overly sculpted eyebrows — my least favorite trend by far. I thought over plucked eyebrows were rough but these... Their days are numbered.

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2) The “ugly but cute” sneaker trend — I actually don’t always hate this trend, but I don’t think it’s going to last either. Most ugly sneakers are ugly and once the shiny glow of a new item wears off, I bet most get shoved to the back of the closet.

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3) T-shirts with “cute” phrases — your sense of humor isn’t as evergreen as you might think. While some shirts like this are tasteful, fun and you might get a lot of wear out of them, others are clearly not going to make it into 2021.

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4) Over-lined lips — this particular beauty mishap seems to only afflict a certain group of people but at some point overlining your lips looks foolish and everyone can tell. I’m not really in favor of anything that “alters” your natural features, especially when it does a piss poor job.

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5) Fanny packs/bum bags — give it a rest, they’re never coming back. I’ll never know why these made a comeback, but just like they went out of style before and looked totally dated, the same will happen again. The double G won’t make a difference. Not to mention they’re bulky, impractical and remind me of my father’s fashion sense. Hard pass.

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Do you agree with this list or do you think I’m totally out of line? What fashion trends do you want to see die a miserable death? Comment down below. 👇🏼

Saturday: Assertiveness & Conflict

Women are trained from early in life to avoid conflict. We are the ones who make peace, the ones most often tasked with forgiveness. The labor of virtue falls on women while men, who are still upheld as more virtuous since Eve are the apple and all that, are allowed the freedom to leave that box of politeness and engage in both assertiveness and conflict.

Despite our conditioning, women must survive in a world where a lack of assertiveness can kill you. Just read The Gift of Fear by Gavin De Becker for first hand examples of assertiveness saving women’s lives while “politeness” and a fear of being disliked became some women’s undoing.

I would love to live in a world where women didn’t have to expand a Herculean amount of effort not to get trampled on. Yet that’s not the world we live in…

Where can women draw the line between assertiveness and aggression? Should our primary concerns be drawing this line at all before we have achieved our full potential of assertiveness?

Being a strong and assertive woman comes with so many labels. One of my favorite women who speaks about some of these labels is Tabatha Coffey, celebrity hair stylist and entrepreneur who has reclaimed the word “BITCH” which has been weaponized against her in a male dominated world. Her philosophy is that a part of assertiveness is being unapologetic about who you are.

If women spent more time asserting ourselves instead of hiding our needs and fearing being disliked, would our lives be any different? Would your life be different? Assertiveness saves women’s lives. Assertiveness empowers women in a real way to take control of our lives and embody the true strength which comes from self-efficacy in looking after your own interests.

Are you an assertive person? What scares you most about being assertive? Drop a comment down below. Seriously, every comment makes a difference and I want to hear your thoughts. Don’t worry about having something “good enough” to say, your opinion is enough.

📌Pin my “assertiveness reminder” graphic below to your favorite Pinterest board for motivation. 💪🏼 Us strong women can only make progress by sticking together and talking about these issues.

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