Tuesday: Vacation Flux

If I didn’t write this blog post, I’m not sure that I would even recognize this was a Tuesday. My holiday has been going well, but I have fallen off the wagon with so many different daily habits that it’s hard not to feel generally demoralized and demotivated, despite the knowledge that the best thing that I could possibly do would be to get back on the horse and keep going with the habits I want to maintain. Here are some of the things I’ve been missing on my vacation:

  • daily meditation

  • dedicated time to read daily

  • writing every day

  • blogging daily

  • regular and intense exercise

While I’ve been enjoying other activities on my vacation including long walks, sight-seeing in Central New York, and general relaxation, I’ve been feeling a huge weight from a sense that I’m being “unproductive” or somehow setting myself behind in my goals. It doesn’t help that I also have to face some pretty infuriating differences between home and New York, like less space and time to myself, different responsibilities and in some realms, even greater responsibilities than what I would usually like.

I’ve been trying to make the best of things and to accept that sometimes, we are in flux and not drawn to one thing or another in particular. Instead of feeling guilty due to a lack of productivity, I’m working to see down time as necessary and healthy for my development and my future plans. Instead of feeling lost and left behind, I want to focus on the restorative aspects of taking a break.

Things haven’t worked out perfectly when it comes to managing my anxiety, fears, and guilt, but for me the biggest step is to allow myself the space to figure things out and to not have everything “perfect”. When I’m back from my vacation, I know I can get into all these great habits again, and I won’t have to worry about things being “imperfect”. Maybe I can use this time to recognize that “perfection” is not a healthy goal at all anyway, and sometimes, it’s okay to simply exist without being dragged in one direction or another.